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WGS News
The drama surrounding John Terry's affair...
... his behaviour on and off the pitch, whether he is the right man for the job from a moralistic point of view and whether he should retain England's captaincy made me think about immorality, adultery and what Judaism has to say about these issues.
Jewish law has always sought to preserve the sanctity of marriage. The Seventh Commandment states "neither shalt thou commit adultery". The Torah cites extreme examples of the consequences of committing adultery. In Genesis, Judah ordered his daughter-in-law Tamar to be burnt because of her supposed adultery. Deuteronomy, chapter 22, verse 22 says "if a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die...". Toni Terry and others who have not long discovered their spouse's adultery might feel exactly the same. Adultery provokes raw and desperate feelings.
In a society which, for better or worse has become more accepting of a wide range of moral standards, is "infidelity" yet another moral line which has been crossed with little impunity. Although public or private condemnation is expressed, it is short lived and we all then have to "move on" - or do we?
When someone discovers that his or her spouse or partner has been unfaithful the emotional impact is usually devastating, the effect of such a revelation cannot be underestimated. It literally goes to the heart of a relationship and is likely to shatter all trust. Life is fast moving today and we seem to be indoctrinated to absorb feelings and package them away, however in my view, the consequences of adultery/marriage breakdown are long-term and far reaching.
Until 1969, divorce was not, in principle, possible in the absence of fault based, (usually adulterous) behaviour. Following the Divorce Reform Act 1969 it became possible for the first time to be divorced without necessarily having to prove "a marital offence".
As far as adultery or any "fault based" grounds for divorce are concerned, conduct is very rarely taken into account although the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 requires the Court to consider "...the conduct of each of the parties..." if it would be inequitable to disregard it. Adultery on its own would very rarely be the basis on which to alter a financial settlement more or less favourably for either party. One of the most difficult aspects in practice is having to tell a client that even though their spouse's behaviour seems grossly unfair, the Court is not going to "punish" their spouse because of it.
In one of her most recent lectures on family law last year Baroness Ruth Deech said, "men are permitted, by law, to buy their way out of relationships and fatherhood, regardless of the damage and lasting hurt that they leave behind...".
Whilst the Conservatives would like to encourage marriage and couples to stay together by tax breaks, it is unlikely that in itself will be sufficient to restore the previously perceived strength of marriage in a society which has changed enormously over the past 50 years. Adultery, broken marriages and serial relationships sadly seem to be the norm.
I am however a realist. I know Judaism acknowledges divorce as an option. Deuteronomy chapter 24, verse 1 says "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him... he writes her a certificate of divorce...". Whilst Judaism does not encourage divorce, it recognises where a marriage is unworkable, divorce is a practical solution.
In a society with varying shades of grey who are we to judge John Terry's or anyone else's private life, or have we now reached the point where someone has to make a stand?
by Deborah Levy, first printed in the Jewish Chronicle 6th February 2010
